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How to Look Like a Total Fish at the Poker Table

Looking like a fish at the poker table is a legitimate strategy, so how do you pull it off? Follow these steps to make your opponents think you have no idea what you’re doing, then exploit the hell out of it!

As the movie Rounders said:

If you can’t spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker.

fish on a heater

These 30 tips will make it seems like YOU are the sucker, but in reality, you’re playing your opponents big time!

  1. Don’t act until the dealer tells you to.
  2. Don’t stack your chips nicely.
  3. Make sure not to show off your pro chip shuffling skills.
  4. Fold out of turn a few times.
  5. Act confused when it’s your turn.
  6. Pick you your cards and bring them close to your face.
  7. When you get put all-in, raise instead of calling.
  8. Ask if it’s your turn when it’s clearly not.
  9. Ask if it’s your turn when it clearly is.
  10. Put in the occasional string bet.
  11. Talk about odds to someone. Make sure you are 100% incorrect.
  12. Don’t post your big blind until the dealer asks you. Repeat this many times.
  13. Fold by flinging your cards quickly. Bonus points if a card flies off the table.
  14. ‘Accidentally’ tip your chip stack over.
  15. Keep dirty stacks of chips ($100 chips in your $5 stack).
  16. Start playing Zynga poker or another free poker app on your phone.
  17. When it’s your turn, stare at an opponent without cards as if it is their turn.
  18. When someone wins a hand, act confused and ask why they won.
  19. Drink alcohol at the table. Make it seem like you’re somewhat tipsy.
  20. Keep all of the contents of your wallet on the table.
  21. Talk about blackjack (or other casino game) strategy to other players.
  22. Talk about the big ‘score’ you just made playing video poker.
  23. Stack your chips in very small stacks (like 5 high).
  24. Say ‘stand pat’ instead of ‘check’. Bonus points if you can’t actually check.
  25. Bet out of turn.
  26. Make a huge pre-flop bet (like 7x) as if it’s your standard bet.
  27. Watch the sports on the TV screens and cheer like you have a lot of money riding on the result.
  28. Defend your poor plays as statistically correct.
  29. Establish that you love suited cards, and there is a huge odds increase by playing them.
  30. Appear visibly nervous. Make sure your hands are shaking when betting.

Note that these tips can really annoy the players around you. Once you have established yourself as a donkey, don’t completely annoy the table. Repeatedly breaking the rules can see the floor remove you from the game.

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